The Ugliness of Life Without You

There is no sunshine, nor is there rain. The brilliant ray that used to show in your ever “killer” smile, has now completely gone away.  Tears as fresh raindrops fall from overwhelmingly heavy eyelids—drops which used to serve to drain the silent soul’s bright islet.

Ears no longer delight to hear the gentle laughter of innocents commonly so seen at play. The exotic birds that used to populate and bring their morning’s song, strangely are all silent these days.

The delightful aroma of freshly made brew no longer pleases in its steaming cup. Though all attempts to sail clearly still are made, nothing at all is the same; And, unfortunately, it would appear that life seems to have lost its aim.

An affectionate touch—though a technique of sweet release for only just a time, now never seems to be enough to completely satisfy.  Our world’s most common occurrences so often for granted we take, currently seem to be un-necessary leaving us accordingly estranged.  My, my how much even the least of things has changed!

Were on earth did you go?  I sure would love to know.  But as you said the last time I heard, “You know, Mom, I’ll be Ok.” Though, I believe this to be true, I guess, Son, I’m just missing you.

I have my sight, I have my hearing and am yet blessed with my sense of taste and touch.  Though still able to smell—all so well, the sense for which I am now most aware—the one which stands out so much is:  The ugliness of life now seen in His Hand compared to our lives here on earth—life which we must continue on…even in the midst of the absence of…

You,

Our Christopher,

Our brother, and our son.

The Hole Within

There is a hole which is hidden away seated in the deepest of depths it now is comfortably at rest
Once buzzing with where you worked and lived—it was genuinely filled with my concern for everything you were and all that you did

Included in this ancient piece was my concern for your success and my thoughts of you for all the best
But recently these have been replaced with the cloudiness of thin air—now emptiness and total frustration have taken their residence—they both abide in there

It would appear that I may fall deeper into its abyss
Though fully aware of my plight, I have no strength nor aim for this fight
With new feelings of hate, I have assembled myself to wait
Yet, ever steadily the hidden hole continues to sand-in just beyond the gate

It has been enlarged to include an abundance of
vast emp-ti-ness there,
How rare!
Apparently, this is the same hole within
which now
unglued
had once encompassed
the very essence of you…

This Is How I Feel

Everything is different.

Nothing is the same.

Though the paths I take,

on this earth,

they stubbornly remain.

While going through my day,

I can’t help but think and ponder as

I sub-consciously look around

for you—

in everything I say and do.

Now that you’re gone away,

we each and separately make our mind’s list

of all the rights and wrongs—

all those things that we said and completed

strictly during your time.

Though for me, I find, that

keeping the same routine

is still a very good way

to keep me on my path of peace

for each morning’s sunny ray.

But vast emptiness and

missing you has really taken hold—a new

access road–which now has taken it’s abode

and holds my tears at bay.

For everyone who wants to

know the way in which I feel,

let me say, without a doubt that

my senses have declared

a VACANCY and great desolatation

in the center of my being

for which, I guess, this feeling

always shall remain…