This Is How I Feel

Everything is different.

Nothing is the same.

Though the paths I take,

on this earth,

they stubbornly remain.

While going through my day,

I can’t help but think and ponder as

I sub-consciously look around

for you—

in everything I say and do.

Now that you’re gone away,

we each and separately make our mind’s list

of all the rights and wrongs—

all those things that we said and completed

strictly during your time.

Though for me, I find, that

keeping the same routine

is still a very good way

to keep me on my path of peace

for each morning’s sunny ray.

But vast emptiness and

missing you has really taken hold—a new

access road–which now has taken it’s abode

and holds my tears at bay.

For everyone who wants to

know the way in which I feel,

let me say, without a doubt that

my senses have declared

a VACANCY and great desolatation

in the center of my being

for which, I guess, this feeling

always shall remain…



Offices and private homes had

amply been supplied—there were

enticing holiday goodies for all,

most difficult to deny. 


Orange-colored, carved faces

were seen in most places, and

grocery stores on every corner

stocked sweet treats by the cases.

In addition, popular decor included

glowing, stringy spider webs and witches

with pointy black hats. They stirred

pot-bellied recipes of great flying bats.

With their painted on toothless smiles,

one could tell they knew—

which black-magic worked best for

which evil brew.


These yearly rituals—familiar to most,

and considered to be

all in fun, now spawn only

melancholy thoughts of you.

For it was around this time last year

that evil was allowed to be unleashed to

release a murderous demon of death and

despair.  Regretfully, once its assignment 

had been completed you disappeared

into thin air.

Now shall I forever hate to see

bright, orange-colored carved faces,

and the once-a-year

commonly displayed chocolatey,

sweet, treat-filled cases

When Grief Enters In

The waves of flowing tears to be cried simply seem uncountable. Un-doubtable, are the numerous ways in which we find to ask,“Why”–a question that, though we may try, remains unanswered for our cores inconsolable.

One’s heart takes a sigh with dry and uncontrolled heaves while hollowed out eyes will choose to relieve, no longer. The burden so heavy, the eyes can no more cry. This is pure grief! Moreover, everyone suffers when a loved one dies.

But, there are those who feel that certain killings are no big deal cause we play the game called: “Tit for Tat.” But, when that precious one is made to die (whether white or black), emotions rise, and their families are called to lack.

Regardless of our past, or pains of yesterday, we have no right to strike to purposely put out someone’s life. And, to those who choose to make slight during times when devastation is wrought, just wait a while—See how it feels when your loved one is somehow caught.

The enormous amount of unjustified and uncaring remarks we read and hear clearly are not well thought out, nor could they be considered as smart. Why would we choose to add depraved insults and further damage to an already poor and sickened Heart?

Created so that we each bleed red, when grief enters in, ample time must be given to mend. I know this as a fact because it was just a short while ago when my only son was called out to succumb. Unfortunately, my boy was killed by the pop of an evil man’s gun.

Yesterday it was a cop who, much too quickly, lost his life. He too was someone’s son. And they say he had a wife. At the end of the day, one truth remains. Whether cop or not, as human beings in this race, we cannot escape.

Misery comes to each and circumstances, in this debate, should call to all to share in pain. For in times of sorrow we are to bear. But, perhaps one day we’ll finally see. When grief enters in, we all fit with-in the same sad skin.

My Angel

Are you my angel?  Are you sitting

in His arms looking down at me?

Do you see me when I smile? Are you

by now completely worry free?

How did you so quickly make your

move into His presence?  Was there a

struggle as you entered into His

very sweet essence?

We’re you surprised to finally realize

that earth’s work for you had so

suddenly all been satisfied?

People tell me every day that I

must soon let you go your way.

Sometimes I try to let you go—but,

Lord knows the surrender is such a

tough road to tow.

Then on those days when once again,

your dad explains those things to me,

I find a moment of sweet peace while

thoughts of love come to abide in all clarity.

And, in my mind’s eye I can see that you surely

must look down, but bear no frown for me.

For you, my Angel and your brilliant smile remain

steady and unapologetically in the daily reflections

of silly old me.

Simply Divisive

The Black Lives Matter movement is divisive and a detriment to our country.  This is especially true when we consider the fact that the percentage of black deaths at the hands of other blacks is at 93%.

On October 30, 2014, after coming home from work at about 4:30 in the afternoon, our 26-year old son, Christopher Walker, was killed at the hands of another young black. Christopher was simply waiting for a hamburger at a fast food stand just five minutes from our home in Altadena, CA. 

No arrest have been made and no crowds have gathered to protest or demand transparency.  Recently, I was asked to write a piece for a trendy website in which I was to share our family story.  As a part of my piece, I complained about the BLM movement and referred to it as “a joke”.  The editor did not think this was funny and highly disapproved of my reference.  In addition, she expressed that she wanted me to say that the reason our son’s killer has not yet been arrested is because of institutional racism in the police department. According to her, the police are not concerned about black on black crime and also they keep black communities down.

I do not believe these statements to be true. Rather, I believe that no one has been arrested in our son’s case because most blacks don’t want to get involved when they witness a crime.  Because I refused to comply with the agenda, the editor would not post my story.  I now have first-hand experience to see how today’s media and groups like BLM continue to divide our nation. The video below offers more detail about our story.  Please pass it on.  IT MATTERS.

It Matters

People say they’re ready for something new.  But, actually they just want more of the same.  Just dress up the same idea in a brand new suit.  The things we say and do, it matters!

Why We Kill and Hate

Hey, what’s in the weed these days,
and who spiked the punch?
Is it the “red” dye in our
Kool-Aid drink that makes us
hate everyone else so much?

What makes a young man kill his own
brother–shoot him down in the street—no
concern for his family, or of a broken
mother’s heartbeat?

What happened to a people who years
before together worked and played
when positive were the goals which,
back in the day, called us all to behave?

Down through the generations, things for us,
somehow changed. But looking back, our
newly adopted attitudes have groomed
many a short grave.

Instead of striving for change, we hurry
on the way to medicate our pain. But, what’s
in the weed these days? Does it simply serve
to numb our brains?

How did we get to this lost place of deceit?
Is there no way to find a return for sweet relief?
What if we took the time to find a more
sober way of life? Are we too drawn to this
never-ending strife?

Though we have all liberties, we choose to repeat.
Perhaps there’s something in the weed
holding us within
it’s vicious cycle
of apathy, guilt and sin.